


Under the Old Oak Tree

by Ice_Cube44



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 6x09 Changelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, F/M, Spoilers if you haven't seen the episode, emotional angst, just a quiet moment, some language, some violence to a hapless tree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8752621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice_Cube44/pseuds/Ice_Cube44
Summary: Just a quiet moment after 6x09, where Emma and Killian try to come to terms with what happened in their own way.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this under the wire since I'm sure it will be non-canon by the time the episode airs. I'm sure that Emma and Killian will never talk about this. And because [NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable/pseuds/NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable) has convinced me that it's good enough to post. Thank you, Nina, for dealing with me seesawing on this one so much.
> 
> * * *
> 
> * * *

He finds Emma out back, behind their house.  She’s swinging an axe into the trunk of a tree that she had once idly commented obstructed the view.  Her blows are so violent, so aggressive that if he didn’t know any better, he would have thought the old oak was a villain that rivaled Pan or Hades.  She’s trying to take down the tree with a ferocity that gives him pause.  Which of the many things they are dealing with at the moment has her this vexed, he’s not sure; he’s just glad that Emma is finding an outlet.  Killian stands at the bottom of the steps for a moment and just watches.

And then he hears her stifle a sob.

It feels like he gets to her side as fast as if he still had magic.  It only takes him a moment to cross the yard at a run, to pry the axe out of her unyielding hands, and to wrap her in his embrace.

Her entire body is shaking.  From the visions, from the stress, from the exertion, he’s not sure.  Maybe from all three.  All he knows is that Emma is upset and now that she’s in his arms, she’s trying desperately to claw her way closer to him.  

So he holds her tighter, digs the curve of his hook into her lower back so she can feel the cold metal against her warm skin, tangles his fingers in her hair until the rings catch and pull just a bit.

The tangible pain has always grounded her more than his words.

He doesn’t say a thing, just hums quietly as her tears soak his shirt and her fingers grip the lapels of his jacket.  Her knuckles are white and the tremors haven’t eased.

It breaks his heart a little bit when he realizes that he’s seen her cry enough times to recognize that this isn’t a sad cry or a helpless cry or a defeated cry or (the one he never wishes to experience again) a devastated cry of grief.

This isn’t a happy cry either - he’s able to tell that from the aforementioned attack on the oak tree.  That and his Swan isn’t one prone to crying when she’s happy.  He prefers the light grin she graces him with instead.

But this is a different kind of cry, and one he knows unfortunately too well.

This is an angry cry.

Emma Swan is irate, incensed, furious, enraged - some level of anger that has her so caught up in trying to suppress her emotions so that she can focus that she’s caught up in the storm.  It’s his job (at least he hopes it’s his job - one can never tell what concessions Emma Swan will allow) to give her an outlet, a safe space to vent that anger until it loosens its hold over her.

They stand in the backyard, under the old oak tree, for longer than Killian cares to think about.  He has Emma’s head tucked under his chin and he can’t help the smile that breaks free when she finally huffs out an annoyed breath and stops crying.

Just like that, the storm has passed and she’s in control once more.  Ready to run off and fight the next battle.

Killian isn’t going to let her run from this.

“Do you want to tell me what this was all about, Swan?” he asks quietly, but with a firm tone that should remind her he’s been in far more battles than she has.  She can fight him on this if she wants, but he will stand beside her no matter what.

She surprises him when it isn’t a fight.  “I was angry at my parents for so long.  Growing up, I never understood how they could have just - not fought to keep me.  How they could have just decided to leave me on the side of the road like trash.  I grew up thinking I was garbage, Killian.  No better than a candy bar wrapper or a half-finished cup of soda.  I didn’t unders-”

“-They didn’t thr-”

“-I know that _now_.  I didn’t then.  I didn’t understand what was wrong with _me_.  What _I_ did to make everyone throw me away.  And then I basically did the same thing to Henry.  I mean, I hoped that he’d have his best chance with someone who wasn’t seventeen and in _prison_.  But it was almost the same thing.  I just tossed him into the system and hoped for the best.”  She laughs derisively, burying her face in his chest for a moment.

The muscles in his jaw twitch in effort to bury his own thoughts of abandonment and the difference between what Emma did _for_ Henry and what her parents did _for_ her with what his sorry excuse for a father did _to_ him and Liam.

This isn’t the time.

Emma is still speaking, her words muffled in his shirt.  “And then Henry found me, and I found _them_.  But I was still so angry with them.  Even after the curse broke and I knew it was all real.  Because even when I found out that they hadn’t left me on the side of the road - they still sent me off into the unknown with nothing but a _blanket_ to keep me safe.  I was so angry with them.”

Killian waits for her to continue.  Knows this isn’t the real reason that she’s out here, so angry that she’s hacking apart a tree, so angry that her cheeks are red with the exertion of crying out all of her emotions.

There is more.  And he thinks he knows what this is about.

But he’ll wait for her to come to it in her own time.  He’ll always wait for her.

Emma curls her body impossibly closer to his, determined to erase any hint of space between them.  Her arms slide around his back, under his jacket.  The tremors have eased somewhat, but she’s still tense, still coiled like a snake about to strike its prey.  Killian tugs her more tightly into his embrace, leaning down to kiss her forehead almost absently.

“I never wanted this for Belle.  Or for her son.  For any baby to have to grow up without its mother.  Without a family.  I should have been able to stop this.  To keep Gideon safe.  That’s my _job_.  I was supposed to keep him safe.”  Emma tries to pull out of his arms, tries to tear herself away from him, but Killian is just as stubborn.  He tightens his grip, wrapping his fingers more tightly in her hair.

“Swan, you couldn’t have-”

“-You don’t under _stand_ ,” she cries into his chest, hugging him tighter rather than pulling away.  “I swore to myself after I broke the curse that I wouldn’t let this happen to another kid.  Me, Henry, almost my baby brother.  It happens over and over and I _promised_ myself it wouldn’t happen again.  And now another kid’s been torn away from his mother - taken by the damn Blue Fairy to who-knows-where.  And I couldn’t do _anything_ to stop it.”

He can hear the hint of tears creeping back into her voice, the frustration at her own helplessness.  He can only imagine what it must have been like for her - watching the sheer amount of love that Belle possessed for Gideon as she sacrificed her life with him for his safety.  As she looked at her little boy for the first - and what might very well be the last - time.

It had rocked _him_ to his core, watching Belle say goodbye, and he didn’t have the past that Emma had.

His father gave him up out of selfishness, out of cowardice.  Not selflessness and bravery.

Truth be told, the first time he’d read Henry’s storybook, he’d been angry with Snow and Charming as well.  His own abandonment a wound that would likely never heal, his own part in Baelfire losing his mother a shame that he’ll never be able to be clean of, Swan’s beginnings had made him angry.  He hadn’t had the background to understand the sacrifice her parents had made, not knowing where they were sending their infant daughter off to.

He’d just seen the pain Emma carried because of it.

But now, now he thinks he understands a little better.

They’re a family of orphans, if he thinks about it.  David and Snow had childhoods that were far more sheltered than his and Emma’s, but they’re both orphans in their own right.  Emma lost everything moments after she was born, and had no basis to believe that she could raise her son.  Regina threw aside her parents, but she’s still lost them just as surely as the rest of them.

And he knows that if they’re keeping score, he can add Baelfire to that list.  He won’t dignify what the Crocodile did to the boy before Bae found his way to Neverland, but he’d been abandoned long before that.

By Milah.

By him.  Because of him.  He had known that the boy existed - she’d told him about Baelfire the first time he’d stumbled upon her in that tavern.  He’d even seen the boy a few nights later, when her coward of a husband exploited Milah’s love for her son.

And he had still stolen her away from Baelfire in the end.

He didn’t want that for Gideon.  Didn’t want another of the Crocodile’s children to grow up thinking he’d been tossed to the side by his mother.

Emma breaks him free of his own shortcomings.  She mumbles, but he can still hear the resignation in her voice.  “It’s my job to find everyone their happy endings.  And all I’ve done is fail.”

Emma hasn’t failed.  He has.

“How can you say that, Swan?  Your parents found each other.  Henry has more family than he knows what to do with.  Regina has come to terms with her past - well, mostly.  You saw something in this broken pirate and brought me back from the darkness.  You haven’t failed.”  He soothes his hook up and down her back, trying to release some of the tension that was coiled there.

“Haven’t I?” she manages to tear herself free from his embrace.  “My parents are trading off a sleeping curse because Regina felt like she needed to split herself in half and _that_ went just swimmingly.  My son is looking at losing his mother based on some prophesy that I have no idea how to stop.  Belle lost her son and I just watched it happen again.  And you fought your way back from the God damned _Underworld -_ where you were because I _killed_ you - for your happy ending.  And now… and now… you won’t even have that.”

Killian watches her pace for a moment, letting her have her freedom until she turns back to him of her own free will.  “Tell me we’re going to fix this,” she whispers.

He gathers her back to him, making sure that his words are calm and even, despite the way his heart wants to beat its way out of his chest.  He can’t lose her.  He _won’t_ lose her.

“Don’t you worry about that, my love.  We’re going to fix this.  As much as I hate it, Gideon being out of Storybrooke at the moment is the best thing for him.  The damned fairy will make sure he knows his mother loves him, he won’t grow up like we did.  And whatever that vision of yours foretold, it’s not going to happen.  Your father and mother and son and friends won’t let it.  You’re-”

“-and you, too, Killian.  Don’t forget that I know that.”

He smiles into her hair.  “Yes, Swan, and me, too.  Whatever it is that’s coming for you, whoever it is that thinks they know how to defeat the Savior and her family, we’ll defeat them.  That’s what we do.  That’s what you’ve taught me that heroes do.  And then we’ll figure out a way to make sure that Belle’s boy has a whole family of friends to raise him.  Because looking out for yourself so you’ll never get hurt doesn’t work any more, does it?  We’ll all teach him how important it is to be a part of something.”

Emma pulls her head back so she can look up at him.  The frustration and the helplessness are leeching out of her gaze, replaced by the steely determination that made him turn his ship around when he was sure the whole town was going to implode.  The choice he made that day that has shaped the whole rest of his life.

She pulls herself up on her tiptoes by her fingers tangled in his collar.  A light kiss to the underside of his jaw is his payment for his steadfastness.  It brings a grin to his face, and gives him just a little bit of hope.

That the promise he’s just made to her is one that the gods will let him keep.

“Now, Swan, shall we put this old tree out of its misery?”  He hefts the axe over one shoulder.

Emma looks over at the scarred tree trunk before meeting his gaze.  She waves a hand absently as she starts to tug him back to the house.

Killian looks back as he follows her, and he can see that the bark is pristine once more.  Solid.  Ready to weather the next storm.

Emma stops on their porch, looping her arms over his shoulders so she can pull him in close and whisper in his ear.  “I think there are still a few more battles in its future, don’t you?”

 


End file.
